Ending of a Chapter

The ending of a chapter in a book is only a small destination of an ultimate plot. A lot like life. I am moving to South Carolina - 96 miles north of Atlanta - in about a week. I remember the day I moved back here. September 26 we left and arrived the 27th on a sunday - 2009. I was 19. I'm 22 now. Wow.

This is a beautiful town, somewhere I have so many memories. With that said, it's also a town like a black hole. It sucks you in and offers you little to nothing. You start to adapt to what's around you. Well most people. I've moved my entire life and have all kinds of friends. They all make decisions based on what's best for them, I think it's time I start. I remember when I got here, within 2 weeks I had like 40 songs written. I never recorded them. I haven't wasted all of my time though.

Hopefully moving will limit the distractions and help me focus on the things that I really want to do. I'm going back to the place where I fell in love with music. It'd be nice to get things going again. I think my OCD has something to do with it too lol. I'm so picky with what I write and record, I only want to put out exactly how I feel. I don't want to send the wrong message.

I was here for 2 years and only gave 1 girl a chance. A real chance too. Not a fake chance where you kind of slightly commit to a relationship to guard yourself. I jumped in unafraid of what was going to happen. I got my heart broken into little itty bitty pieces. :(   ....I don't think I regret it though. Someone will appreciate my heart :) . Idk who but someone will.

With all that being said. It was fun being back in Jensen/Stuart. I loved it and loathed it. I don't see myself ever living here again, or at least in the next 10 years. I have to create the future for myself, in my time here I've spent a majority of my time reflecting on memories and I believe it hurts me more than anything. I'm going to start taking people of the past out of my life and creating a new one. I am kind of scared but I know it's what I need to do.

Thanks to everyone who was a real friend to me and to the people who don't really know me, I'm sorry you never got to know me....the feeling is mutual.

CHARTT

And then there was none

With life it's so fast that things seem like they haven't even been there long before they disappear. I can't really complain about myself. You should never get too high and never too low. When your high, you will come back down and when your low, things will get better. Things will change, people will change, it's the people who don't that are worth the most. Unless they are not really contributing to your life in anyway possible.

Friends use to be so important to me. I left a job I was making so much money at because I wanted to be with my friends. Now, they still matter but what happens when your friend starts to grow up? Want to settle down with someone and get their shit together. Your friendship will change, but will you remain friends through it? Weird, in that case seems like I've been a bad friend to some and I do regret that but life will go on.

I wonder what is really important to people in life. Nothing is a wrong answer. But what is important to you should be what you strive for. Some people, like myself, don't know exactly what is the most important thing and it's tough but prioritize is key. Can't wear your little boy pants your whole life.

Relationships. I don't know the exact worth of a relationship. Actually, it seems like the relationship's worth is based of the relationship's potential. It won't work though without honesty and respect for each other. When you lie to someone, you also are disrespecting them. How can another person respect you in turn? It is extremely hard, especially when it happens constantly.

CHARTT

Let it come, let it go

Sometimes I wonder why I keep writing in here but it keeps me a lil sane….I guess? I really want 2 get some t shirt logos printed up with the Flight 407 brand all ovr it. I got these crazy ideas but i'm not that talented to draw it. I can see it though so it can be done. I've came a long way but still got so far 2 go. I recorded a lil bit the other day, only a hook. It goes so hard 2 me. I learned a lil plug in trick in logic on how to make our instruments bang a lil harder. It seems like the dynamics jus open up.

I'm goin 2 ATL tues til friday. It is what it is. I got the baddest girl in the world too lol. The beginning of a relationship can be really umm not hard, but tiring? or challenging? Between trying to decipher exactly how you feel about certain things you hav a challenge convincing the other person the things you do understand you feel. =/ …. On 1 hand time tells all so let it rolllllllll n' on the other hand you feel a lil unprotected with your heart. The best things in life are the hardest to get? Trying to determine what matters the most to me vs being with some1 for who they are is another challenge. Sometimes I wonder if it can be done….well I know it can but evry1 is different in what they can handle and/or value. =/ = / =/ =/

CHARTT

I think therefore I am

I only show you what I want. I see this whole world different. Success and failure is measured differently to me. You can't expect someone to think so open when the things they surround themselves speak so closed. I met this girl I really like. I didn't think I would but I do. Alot. I dont know whats going 2 happen but no one does with anything right? It's really nice when I see someone surprise me, n she does that :). But it's a lil disappointing when you get let down. Ehhh you gotta take the good with the bad and let trust bridge the gap. I feel a lil more open with myself which scares me a lil bit because Im not entirely sure if ima get crushed or not. For once though, I am closing my eyes and falling back into someones arms and jus trusting they are going to catch me. Its scary but so rewarding.

im not crazy, the world is

CHARTT

My eyes feel like 10000000000000000 pounds

but my mind is racing. I figure i'd feed a post here since I haven't in about 2 months. I got a house n a roommate. Life is alright. Confusing as ever, but time will tell. I don't wana pass myself, I'm a lil nervous I might. Every dog comes home right? =/  …. My body feels so weak right now like I can't move. I wish I had someone to rub my back when I feel like this….I don't hav that luxury to pick up a phone n its done. I think the things everyone strives for brings along the things we don't want too. Mo money mo problems lol.   Dont take people for granted or the time you hav with them. Seasons change, people change. We all need help someway, we can't all be perfect. It's so easy to say fuck you to everyone. Headaches, many!

Btw I knEw ppl judged me and had their idea of who I am but damn I had no clue that so many ppl got me all wrong. Am I that un-readable? I'll say this again…..damn its so easy to say fuck you 2 everyone. That thought weighs so heavy and deep with me. Theres so much more 2 that but it's contradictory at the same time cus no one truly wants to be hated or not liked but life has me feeling like this sometimes. I swear the older I got the less faith I got in things. I jus don't believe these ppl or situations. I like to dream tho. I remember when I did trust stuff….is that the difference between children and men? Sounds a lil dumb huh?  

Life is what you make it, what you want is what you dream …. you gotta do what makes you happy. Ironic? ya.

CHARTT

Standing Still

can do a lot to you. Your not really moving but you feel like your going backwards. You may not understand if you haven't really experienced it or if you just go thru life with no consciousness of feelings or thought. I love myself to death, and I should…I'm gonna experience it by myself. Ever wonder why you have to be on earth? Well if you believe in life after or even other dimensions. Why do you come here? I feel a suppression of my purpose, like there's a force denying me what I'm here to do. Maybe it's to learn? But when you learn something, it helps with your future. If I learn a life lesson, literally…then what future do I have to apply it to after life is complete? Is it meant to be passed on? If so then why is it so difficult for younger people to accept advice from older people? Hmm alot of questions lol but I feel like their valid and if your remotely interested, hav I sparked anything yet? lol if so give me some answers!

My co producer came down here for a lil while and we made 23 new trax. They are always better than the previous session we do. We will be where we want soon. Jus hav to work hard now and put ourself out there. You can listen to them here …. www.soundclick.com/flight407

I'm guna get t-shirts made soon with another logo on them and try to push the name a lil harder.

Jus speaking my mind
=/

Never Never Land

It feels like somethings missing but I just dont know. It's like i'm not the same man that I was before.

I have so many thoughts going through my head sometimes it's hard for me to slow down and organize them the way they should be. I remember them all though. At what point do you become a man? How many of us know what we value in life? I was asked that the other day and I knew exactly the things I hold close to me. I am absolutely scared of leaving this earth before making an impact for my family, my future children, and people I will never meet. It scares to think about getting taken off this planet having accomplished nothing for anyone. For myself, I want to give so much but the world gives so little. No one cares about anyone else deep down. We don't find the positive in others and respect them for what they are, instead we criticize them for what they aren't. They label that weakness and the very person who exploited it, did it for personal benefit which is what lays inside us. What we also have inside of us is the ability to care for others unconditionally. Which one do you think is being activated? And whats triggering it? Have you thought about that?

I haven't found my exact path yet. It's frustrating because in the waiting stages it feels as though I have no purpose right now. Finding a balance between surviving in this world and chasing our dreams is difficult. I see everyone I know seeming successful at what they wanted to do. Granted it's all a similar path but they did it or are doing it. School, graduation, job and success. Or join the army, go to school, job and success. I just feel so far from my image of success and sometimes it can bring me down. I just am not content with where I'm at.

Have you ever heard that dejavu is proof that life is pre-determined? Well based on that theory, I haven't had dejavu in a while. Does that mean i'm not on the right path? It feels like i'm lost somewhere. All my friends are gone with girlfriends or wives and looking back on my relationship with them, it seems like they never really valued our friendship. It's even more evident seeing how one person can change how close we are. It seems like the one thing in life that is constant is change.

I've been through so much more than you'll ever know. Some self-inflicted, some not. Some of us live in a never never land right next to peter pan, cause no one wants to grow old.

Frustrated

I went over my music tonight and was a lil amazed at the things I wrote during my senior year in high school back in 08. I was pretty detailed. I wrote a song called "Without You" in Dec of 07 and "Alone" in September of 07, and those lyrics stand true today, 3 years later.

"It's like every time I get close to a person, things are never fine and nothing is working" - Without You Dec 07


I dont know why things happen to me and I wonder often but struggle for the answers sometimes. It gets frustrating to see no changes. They say things are placed in your life because you are strong enough to deal with them, but who am I proving it to? And what am I gaining that I didn't already possess? At times I feel like doing things the right way is misrepresented by tv, film, internet and advertisements because it's gotten me nowhere.

Life is viewed differently by everyone and we all hav different things we seek to fulfill throughout it. I feel like the things that tie me to this world are the things that I least need. I value the things that we can't touch or sense. It just seems as if no one values those either or I am not meeting the people that are. I'm stuck in all aspects of what's important to me and am finding it difficult to find my path forward. It's becoming increasingly hard to escape a world we live in.

I'm sick of fake love towards me as a person or my music. I'm tired of waking up alone. I'm tired of feeling like the underdog constantly. I'm tired of being looked down upon. I'm tired of being a 2nd or 3rd option to people. I'm so tired of not being appreciated as a person and the things that I am capable of. I have absolutely no idea what I am going to do the next few months except sit on unemployment and save money. I dont want to work paycheck to paycheck but I will until I can manage. I have absolutely no clue how I'm going to take my shot at music but I'm keeping faith that time will allow it happen. I hope I can find 1 or the other soon because I am feeling a lil frustrated with the way things in my life hav been going.

"They said I couldn't be who I wanted to be, but I turned out exactly how I wanted to be" - 2010 CHARTT


I hope you get to hear it sooner than later. Im listening to it right now and I love it. I hope something shakes. I'm nervous about the future.