Remember why you started

When you want to quit.

It keeps you focused on what really matters instead of worrying about the things that do not. I know sometimes I do. This weekend was my birthday though and I kind of just went with the flow. I enjoyed it for the all people who wanted to be apart of it and wrote me to see how I was or what I was going to do. Thank you to all of you! I drank a lot, no throwing up but I'm convinced every bartender in town knows how to make a clemson goodnight now lol.


Anyway, so I've been trying some new ideas out and I really like them. I am learning to let go and trust that life wants me to be happy so why fight it the things that happen. As long as I can look back and say I did what I could do and said how I felt, then let go and whatever happens, happens. Just go with the flow and not try to be such a people pleaser sometimes. Also, probably the 1 thing I suck at is trusting other people. I've never had those rocks in my life. I can name 1 or 2 from about 18yrs to now. Before I ever get into a relationship again, I will be prepared to give that person all my trust and just let go. It makes me nervous but it's what the other person deserves and I can't be selfish with my own fear.

I've been really sad for the last couple weeks because I feel like I was given up on. I know this will go away eventually but now it's lingering. I can't really feel pain anymore but it's like a big hole inside of your stomach. I can't even stomach the thought of talking to someone else to fill it though. I've had oppurtunities but my stomach literally turns/hurts and I can't do it. I am feeling like i'm almost over it because i'm coming to acceptance that she didn't realize I was worth it and isn't about to start. As I write this I am sorry for the rant but if you don't like it, click the back button and go back where you came from. This is where i'm at in my life so i'll write about it.


I am happy for my small group of friends and my family for caring. 

On side notes, I think jabari parker for duke is the best player in the country ncaa and the magic would be okay with a top 5 pick because at 5 we can still get nicholas exam or aaron gordon from arizona at the 4/5. Anything after that is solid but not franchise changing. It's early but for the record, let it be known I said it here.

I did write another song the last week. I made the beat and poured how I felt into it. It's different but I like it. I'm still shooting videos, I had to change up some concepts and now I really love it. I am trying my absolute hardest to move to orlando after christmas to continue school. I have to get out of this town and I need to speed up the process because originally it was summer but there's nothing left here for me. Everyone I knew left here. I do need to slow down with drinking, my body needs time off. Life has been hitting me with haymakers the last couple weeks and last night I got another one but I am not about to type it on the internet. I am fortunate but still 1 step forward, 2 backward.

Sorry again for the rants, happy days and attitudes are right around the corner. I can feel it. Use my blog in any way where it helps you. I write for several reasons, if you read it, use it.

Until Next Time ------> CHRIS

Let it come, Let it go Part 2

I had a tittle years ago named the same thing and I think this fits again. Life's weird because it will test you and poke you and make you look in the mirror all the time but it's definitely how we handle it that leads us to where we'll end up. I think when you find something or someone that makes you realize it's time to let go of things caused by other people that you hold on to and hurt you, then you have to go all in. You have to let go of what doesn't matter and concentrate on being the best you can. Once you realize that you really have grown into something you never thought you could but what happens when you are at that level and the other person isn't? You can't blame them because they are just feeling however they feel. It's the realization that you don't make them feel the way that you feel is the bad part. It's as if someone reached into your chest, grabbed your heart, looked at it, put it back and walked away. Like your still trying to catch your breath constantly but can't.

I don't know why I can describe these things like this but I can. I can say that knowing I was ready & willing to do things I've never done is a great feeling and it makes me feel better but also knowing they can't match you makes you feel like your not good enough to bring that side out of them. Keeping it in perspective, I guess it's all about the person and you can never make them feel that way. The important thing is knowing it's not your fault. If someones broken and you will go slow as long as they want to eventually walk, thats what it's about. New relationships are always great in the start but that feeling isn't enough to keep it together, you have got to want to. I can't say this is the worst feeling because the absolute worst feeling is when you realize you let the person that loved you no matter what walk away because of something you could have done. This, however, is up there close.


So I let it come and do my part, if it doesn't come back, I let it go. I feel better.

Chris

When it all hits

I feel like I won't be able to feel it. I honestly don't want to update you on my music right now, but it's screaming inside my head so I will for my own sanity.

• The CD will have 18 songs. 
• All original music, most of it made completely by me, if not I paid for the music and wrote the lyrics. I'll probably throw an interlude somewhere in there.
• I AM GIVING THE CD OUT FOR FREE. It cost me thousands of dollars to make the way I wanted, but this is the only way I think I have a chance. I'll have something really simple where you can download it and I'll also get CD's made if you want a physical. It's about the music, not the $ right now.

The engineer I paid has 4 songs left to mix. Then master all 18. The music should be done in the next 2 weeks. With that said, It's not releasing in two weeks. I still have to shoot music videos. I'd like to say middle of august, give or take a week is the anticipated date. 

I know I provided, a track listing earlier but that changed. When I get all the songs finished, I'll post an official picture but for now this is it, not in order. 

1. The 5 Year Intro
2. SYTR
3. How You Feel
4. Red Lights
5. One More Time
6. I'm Just Saying
7. Friends, Enemies & Everything In Between
8. Need To Be (recorded when I was 17)
9. I Know Somebody 
10. GOML (Get Out Of My Life)
11. Motivate Me
12. Sink Or Swim
13. Keep It Real (recorded when I was 19)
14. Lay Low
15. Another Shot
16. Missing Chances
17. 747
18. The 23 Year Outro

Now just random thoughts from my mind about life in general. Lately I've been noticing a good chunk of people assume. As a society I think we assume all the time but don't you think there's a difference between a blind assumption and an assumption that has things to support it? I say this because I know I don't really like to reveal myself to people and a lot of people don't know who I am so they assume who I am or try to tell me, MY thoughts. It's silly to me. 

They see me, drinking a lot or whatever and assume I've changed for the worst when they don't see me behind the scenes. Working full time and going to school taking 4 classes, passing all of them with A's or B's. They don't see the guy who packed up on a dime 2 years ago, when I had a life, a girlfriend and things here and just left because I was needed. No, they forget about that guy. They forget about the guy that could of gotten a 2009 car in 2009. Paid OFF. Instead I put it all into my music and that lifestyle and sacrificed a comfortable lifestyle for my dreams. That's what this is about. Sacrifices & Assumptions. 

Right now, I live in the moment. I'm tired of people and their selective memory. Tired of the outlandish shit. They forget all the times they treated me like shit, then I tell you how I feel and they can't handle it.   I feel as though if you don't actually know me, you should stop assuming things and find out who I am and why I do what I do. 

At what point do you stop pointing at everyone else and look at yourself in the mirror? Then take the next step and follow through with it. Too many people get on the team but they never get in the game.

Too many people say I changed when they never really knew me. 

Minutes turn into days

when you wait for something to happen. That's why at night time people fall apart because they don't keep themselves busy. Can't fight what's going to happen though, gotta see it, face and embrace it. Anything you do can be done right. Right changes with each person, each situation. It's not constant, it's dynamic. It's crazy to me how people think so selfish. The way they act, needs not be adjusted but instead everyone else around them's should. Wtf? No.

I just find it naive to judge someone if you have no hand or presence in what your judging them on at all. It's called ethnocentrism, where you judge someone based your standards rather than cultural relativism, which is basing someone off their own terms and life. Yea I get fucked up, lately more than often, but fuck you. As soon as I do that, all of a sudden I hear I'm going down the wrong path, i'm fucking up, i'm this and i'm that. But when I wasn't doing that, I wasn't even in school. I was actually worse off with no direction, not saying drinking found my way because that's fucking dumb but i'm saying X doesn't equal Y , meaning they aren't variables that are dependent on each other. One doesn't affect the other. Point being, Don't fucking judge me. You don't know what I WANT, or what I'M DOING. Who I am, doesn't mean I am the person I was yesterday or the person I will be tomorrow. It's who I am right now, created by myself in the past and affecting my future. I have the choice, not you, to either continue or change. You only have the choice to believe me or not.  Everybody knows, I've given a million people chances that shouldn't have had them. That got shit talked all day then I gave them a chance. That went to prison and I still send $$. I can't stand a weak brain person that can't think for themselves.

Shit's just crazy to me, how ppl can say 1 thing, do another and feel cool about it. If I do that shit, I feel horrible. Like actually give a fuck about how the things you do make someone else feel. I made this blog to write about my music but my music is my life, this is the shit I go through and I guarantee you this shit is on my tape. Poowwwwwwwwww. A big fuck you headed right your way. I'm a cold fucking person cus I can't feel nothing no more.

CHARTT

There's very few

I care about these days. I really don't feel anything anymore. I like to chase thrills I guess. My music used to fire me up but now it's just my music, my life, I live it everyday. The shit I say is nothing new to me because I been through it. When people tell me their problems, it's nothing new. Girls, music, money, people who don't like me, I mean fuck I just can't feel any feelings anymore. I've gotten a little reckless, but who cares. Live life, you can't let everything happen, sometimes saying yes to things you are on the fence about allows you experience life from a different perspective, AND everyone knows the world could use people who aren't tunnel minded. You gotta go make shit happen.

They say, "oh no, when your drunk or blah blah you are a different person." NO, you are YOU. All of the things you do drunk can be done sober or else you couldn't do it. It's just triggers that allow you to flick the switch.

I haven't wrote in here since november, I moved back to florida. Got a job at a fine dine restaurant, all the money is going toward my music being mixed right now and then to getting videos made. I have 13 songs done, 6 more to go. Studio at Plush in orlando is booked this monday. It's been too long, wow. 5 years. I know a lot of you people keep asking me about it and most of you just wana keep tabs on me hoping I fail and if I don't make a justification on why I did and you didn't.

People are weird. Society definitely shapes us. If someone with my same DNA grew up different than me in a different area, they would be different. Maybe not physically but definitely mentally, emotionally, etc.

For the record, I know a lot of you women think I'm out here fucking every girl possible, walking around left and right. You don't know me at all. I've had about 3 serious relationships in my life, in comparison to people who relationship hop through 10 different people in 2 years. I don't get attached to girls and when I do it's serious, for me at least. Any of the girls I been with, even if I don't like them now, are and will continue to be special people. So my problem sounds a lot less worse than the people who can't communicate their feelings, cheat, talk to 20 people and pick the best one, get in a relationship just for their own needs emotionally...thats called using someone, to make society happy, or because they aren't strong enough to be on their own at night time.

If this were a room, i'd walk out with my two middle fingers up right now.

CHARTT

5 Years

I thought that tittle was appropriate. I do spend a good 5 minutes thinking about the tittle of each post haha. This is more a music post than anything. I went in Blue Room Studios last week in Atlanta. Had an 8hr session and got a lot finished. It sounds the best I've ever heard. I am doing another 8hr session in a week or two to finish everything I can. I even shot a promo video in there. I saw the rough version today, it is crazy. The way they can make your voice sound in a big studio is unlike anything I've ever heard. They were the studio that recorded Cash Out's song "Cashing Out". It's wild the people I'm around. 

I'm sicker than ever while writing this, I woke up feeling horrible. Felt this would be a little productive so I'm writing you. I wrote two songs at the spur of the moment and made the beats for both that I did and they are sounding crazy. It's really different music, there's no hood or street stuff on my CD. I spent the last 5 years of my life from when I got kicked out of school and arrested to living in orlando to new mexico, coming back home and now in south carolina. 18yrs to now and I'm 23. It is the closest thing to my life besides my actual life haha. I don't care if this goes nowhere or if it gets big, I just want this part of my life documented like a tattoo does for some people. 

I probably won't have everything completed after this studio session so I will have to go back 1 more time I assume. Even once everything is done, I still have to set other things up before I release all of it. I am anticipating a summer release. Maybe sooner. Contemplating giving it out for free, I don't know how you all feel. I have pix from the other day in the studio, and I'll probably put them up tomorrow. Until then, Take Care. 

theblueroomrecording.com



CHARTT 

Tu no hombre de mi

I thought i'd try out my spanish a little. Clemson has been getting on my nerves a little the last couple weeks. I enjoy it here and enjoy my friends but the atmosphere can be so material for such a small town. There's so much emphasis put on your status. What can you get me? How can he help me? etc. I lived in 4 different states in 7 different cities and this place is just different when it comes to that. I had a girl tell me she shouldn't talk to me because of the shirt I was wearing or the hat I had on. I'll tell you what, it just wears on me sometimes. You get people you meet one day that see you again and blow you off. 

I've had some just rude shit happen to me and I'll bite my tongue because I know if I say what I really want to say it will hurt their feelings and I hate when that happens to me but fuck it I'm guna have to start saying what I need to. The couple people I said something back to seem like they always say hey to me now. I just can't wrap my head around why people want to act like this. 

I can't stand people who add me on Facebook and then act like they don't know me in person or if I write them to see how they are, they play dumb. It's so fake, why even add me? Your not my friend. Especially the people who never say a word the whole year to me until it's my birthday and you know who you are. Just stop. 

Lately I've been getting drunk almost every night and I assume it's because there's nothing else to do. I feel like the world is moving so fast and it seems like just the other day I was still in high school. Every day more and more, I feel more jaded by the world. I still have no clue what I'm going to school for. A teacher, a lawyer, an engineer, a coach? Just a couple things I've thought about. I still question why I even write in this thing anymore, I don't have the answer to be honest. 

I can't really describe the mood I'm in but this whole growing up thing doesn't feel right, and idk if i'm the only one who feels like it. For me it seems like such a small thing to worry about compared to the other stuff I had to go through but it's difficult. 

Sorry for the pessimistic post but it's one of those days.