5 Years

I thought that tittle was appropriate. I do spend a good 5 minutes thinking about the tittle of each post haha. This is more a music post than anything. I went in Blue Room Studios last week in Atlanta. Had an 8hr session and got a lot finished. It sounds the best I've ever heard. I am doing another 8hr session in a week or two to finish everything I can. I even shot a promo video in there. I saw the rough version today, it is crazy. The way they can make your voice sound in a big studio is unlike anything I've ever heard. They were the studio that recorded Cash Out's song "Cashing Out". It's wild the people I'm around. 

I'm sicker than ever while writing this, I woke up feeling horrible. Felt this would be a little productive so I'm writing you. I wrote two songs at the spur of the moment and made the beats for both that I did and they are sounding crazy. It's really different music, there's no hood or street stuff on my CD. I spent the last 5 years of my life from when I got kicked out of school and arrested to living in orlando to new mexico, coming back home and now in south carolina. 18yrs to now and I'm 23. It is the closest thing to my life besides my actual life haha. I don't care if this goes nowhere or if it gets big, I just want this part of my life documented like a tattoo does for some people. 

I probably won't have everything completed after this studio session so I will have to go back 1 more time I assume. Even once everything is done, I still have to set other things up before I release all of it. I am anticipating a summer release. Maybe sooner. Contemplating giving it out for free, I don't know how you all feel. I have pix from the other day in the studio, and I'll probably put them up tomorrow. Until then, Take Care. 

theblueroomrecording.com



CHARTT 

Tu no hombre de mi

I thought i'd try out my spanish a little. Clemson has been getting on my nerves a little the last couple weeks. I enjoy it here and enjoy my friends but the atmosphere can be so material for such a small town. There's so much emphasis put on your status. What can you get me? How can he help me? etc. I lived in 4 different states in 7 different cities and this place is just different when it comes to that. I had a girl tell me she shouldn't talk to me because of the shirt I was wearing or the hat I had on. I'll tell you what, it just wears on me sometimes. You get people you meet one day that see you again and blow you off. 

I've had some just rude shit happen to me and I'll bite my tongue because I know if I say what I really want to say it will hurt their feelings and I hate when that happens to me but fuck it I'm guna have to start saying what I need to. The couple people I said something back to seem like they always say hey to me now. I just can't wrap my head around why people want to act like this. 

I can't stand people who add me on Facebook and then act like they don't know me in person or if I write them to see how they are, they play dumb. It's so fake, why even add me? Your not my friend. Especially the people who never say a word the whole year to me until it's my birthday and you know who you are. Just stop. 

Lately I've been getting drunk almost every night and I assume it's because there's nothing else to do. I feel like the world is moving so fast and it seems like just the other day I was still in high school. Every day more and more, I feel more jaded by the world. I still have no clue what I'm going to school for. A teacher, a lawyer, an engineer, a coach? Just a couple things I've thought about. I still question why I even write in this thing anymore, I don't have the answer to be honest. 

I can't really describe the mood I'm in but this whole growing up thing doesn't feel right, and idk if i'm the only one who feels like it. For me it seems like such a small thing to worry about compared to the other stuff I had to go through but it's difficult. 

Sorry for the pessimistic post but it's one of those days. 

The Moment I Been Striving For

I love it. I remember recording my songs back in high school and feeling good, I stopped recording for a while but I started again and it feels great, and hopefully even better when I release it like I used to. Sure there's differences but they don't matter. Some of the songs are re-records of songs I wrote in high school when I was 17, five years ago. Most of the songs are brand new though, I have about over half of the songs recorded. Some of these I'm going to ride down to ATL  and record it there so its done perfect. I been mixing all my own songs but I'll send them off to be mastered when they are all finished. That moment I been working towards is coming. Hell ya. About 5 or 6 of the beats on the mix tape were made by me and they sound real good. Ill post the track list for the mix tape here.

1. Keep it Real
2. Need 2 Be
3. Use Somebody
4. Sink or Swim
5. Red Lights
6. Fuck You
7. Getting Throwed
8. So Fly
9. Ass
10. I Know Somebody
11. One More Time
12. Get Hi
13. Say My Name
14. Chances
15. Alone
16. Without You
17. I'm Just Saying
18. Get Out Of My Life
19. 747
20. Another Shot

Right now I have 12 out of the 20 tracks recorded. Theres 5 features and 3 have singing features plus 5 of the beats were made by myself. I was trying to figure out how to order the tracks the best way so it kinda tells a story, but it's so broad of topics because I wrote over the last 5 years on and off. It's really just my life in song and a culmination of everything that bounces around in my head. The order may be shuffled up a little but not much, I'm still playing around with it. I have about 10 songs that I'll release after this mix tape and then my actual album and thats everything I been working on the past couple years.

On a side note, I been feeling like I'm losing grip with my senses. Like it's hard for me to feel things lately, is alcohol a desensitizer? I feel like it is. Searching for that thrill constantly. I gotta work at 5 to close tonight, going hard. Music will be up when it's ready.

Yep

Eyes Closed

I just feel today, so I just will write a short little something on that. You may like this post more if you listen to this song while you read it. It's almost like background music in a movie, but everything is silent and you can see a bunch of jumpcuts with all kinds of emotions but everything is silent except this.

With that said, don't you just feel numb for so long and then you should express how you feel somehow? It's like everything is moving so fast including your brain but you feel like life is on slow motion. I think my heart is numb, I don't think i've been able to feel anything lately. The last couple weeks I've been drinking 4 out of 7 days a week. I think I used to fight my emotions about everything that had hurt me in the past but I feel like I just accept them now. I don't try to change them. Just push on.

Sometimes you wish things had never changed, how life would be if they didn't? But they did. I was thinking about love the other day. Normally people date for a long time, and either break up or divorce usually because 1 person gets tired of the other. They no longer find them how they used to. Is love just 2 people who decide they will be there for each other? They depend on each other and each tips the scale every so. So is love more dependent and dedication than anything? Just a thought I had the other day. Either way it's definitely hard work and special to know someone other than your parents, whom you've depended on for your whole life, you can enjoy that type of dependency with another person. That could be what it boils down to. Reference the tradition of a father giving his daughter away - to depend on someone else.

Again, I find things so odd in how they happen. I drove by a ditch my car went off when I used to live here in 2006. I was just looking at it thinking about how I could of died. I fell 20 feet down off a hill with a river running underneath my car. It makes me feel like it wasn't my time and I wonder what my purpose is to fulfill before I can get checked off. Life is crazy.

I think i'm an asshole. I cut throat people I don't know, take what I can get, put myself 1st if I dont know you, I will take your girlfriend if she wants to give me the ball, I get girls #'s and then delete them the next day and I don't feel bad about any of it either. However, if I tell you I like you, I mean it and it takes alot for me to say that because it's rare. I don't play games, I just tell you how it is so you don't wonder what i'm thinking. I'm human too and I'll say how I really feel. I don't believe in karma, I just think people like to believe it exists as a justification for things they can't control because it gives you a belief of somewhat control.

Just want to re-iterate how strong the saying "You don't know what you have until it's gone" is. Want to shout out the girls who try to play games with me, my sociology teacher, and all the rude people in the world. I have alot in my mind right now that I don't know how to place into words at the moment, but I'm sure in the next couple days/week i'll be able to construct thoughts on them. Lastly, I have my tracklist for my mixtape available (click on my facebook link). I really like the order of the songs and hopefully i'll be done with it sooner than later. 2 more songs, than recording. My music is just my same feelings I put on here and if it doesn't work out, i'll stop but I am just going to release my material I have and thats that. 2 mixtapes and an album.

Until next time,
CHARTT

A Room has 4 corners, Stand in Them all

And look at the room in each corner. Each Corner makes the room look slightly different. Is understanding what each corner of the room looks like while standing in the middle the definition of wisdom? Seems like a really close choice.

It's like life is alot like the beach. Life changes just like if you draw in the sand, the water washes it away. It's the experience of being on the beach that is what counts. Who your with and what you do. Who remembers you when you leave. You can stay with one person and have the greatest time ever or you can move from group to group and live that way.

I think I place too much value in friends. They definitely are great and I have great close friends but I can see where things may slightly change. I'm happy for all my friends and love that we are cool. However, you can't share your life with just your friends.

I use to want a relationship so bad because I know what will make me truly happy is experiencing life and all its moments, big or small, good or bad with someone. I think that's amazing but you have no control over that. I can't sit around and wait for someone to waltz in my life and be that somebody. I feel like I have to do what I have to do to make myself happy unless that happens. You should too. Give a fuck if they give a fuck. Love them if you mean it and be with them no matter what if thats what they mean to you. Leave them if you don't. Believe your worth the world and can also give it back. Don't ask someone for something that you can't give them back. Be considerate of feelings and love unconditionally.

Sometimes to me, religion is so hypocritical. For the sheer thought that you can say what you feel to someone, then on a different subject be religious and make someone feel low then turn around and justify it by asking for forgiveness and automatically believing you do. If you are going to be religious, then do so but make sure you are following the good book and ALL of its ways before you try to police me through religious philosophies.

According to christianity, when Jesus was here it was believed that the theories and teachings he told were deemed "crazy" for his time period, so if your going to label what I do, not even believe in, just do as "crazy" then your going to have to judge me but also judge Jesus. Just saying.



Judging me only defines you, not me. Thats to all of you.
CHARTT

Circles

Do you ever wonder why you have to go through certain stuff? Life can be confusing. We have a tendency to look backwards at times but need to keep our feet walking forward. Sometimes it feels like we are walking backwards when we're not. I think it's important everyone have stuff that's important to them because that way you can measure what your doing to what is important to you. I started college here on monday. It's okay. I'm taking a music class which is so cool, playing the piano live in class. And taking intermediate algebra for like the 3rd time lol. My teacher can't stop saying mmmmkay after everything sentence she says lol. I wonder if anyone else realized it too.

However, i've moved and am all alone again. Story of my life. I don't get why I have to move so much and constantly start over. At times writing these lil blogs, I don't even know why I write this because at the end of the day you don't care. It just passes about 5 min or maybe 10 if your a slow reader lol of your day. I don't think i'm going to write in here much longer or for a while.

Anyway, I have just been trying to stay busy and keep my mind off things. I come to realize I did the best I could about somethings and there's nothing else I could have done to change anything. When dealing with other people, sometimes you can only do so much and the rest isn't up to you. Not my fault. Taking this move gave me the chance to metaphorically burn my past or things that I was hanging on to. I got to throw it in the fire and move on. Glad I could find the positive.

I wish there was more to do here or someone to go just do stuff with. I get so bored. Naps have become my best friend. Music is taking off. I think it's about that time. They might hate you but they didn't make you, so they can't break you. #pow

For the last time for a long time,
CHARTT