Never Never Land

It feels like somethings missing but I just dont know. It's like i'm not the same man that I was before.

I have so many thoughts going through my head sometimes it's hard for me to slow down and organize them the way they should be. I remember them all though. At what point do you become a man? How many of us know what we value in life? I was asked that the other day and I knew exactly the things I hold close to me. I am absolutely scared of leaving this earth before making an impact for my family, my future children, and people I will never meet. It scares to think about getting taken off this planet having accomplished nothing for anyone. For myself, I want to give so much but the world gives so little. No one cares about anyone else deep down. We don't find the positive in others and respect them for what they are, instead we criticize them for what they aren't. They label that weakness and the very person who exploited it, did it for personal benefit which is what lays inside us. What we also have inside of us is the ability to care for others unconditionally. Which one do you think is being activated? And whats triggering it? Have you thought about that?

I haven't found my exact path yet. It's frustrating because in the waiting stages it feels as though I have no purpose right now. Finding a balance between surviving in this world and chasing our dreams is difficult. I see everyone I know seeming successful at what they wanted to do. Granted it's all a similar path but they did it or are doing it. School, graduation, job and success. Or join the army, go to school, job and success. I just feel so far from my image of success and sometimes it can bring me down. I just am not content with where I'm at.

Have you ever heard that dejavu is proof that life is pre-determined? Well based on that theory, I haven't had dejavu in a while. Does that mean i'm not on the right path? It feels like i'm lost somewhere. All my friends are gone with girlfriends or wives and looking back on my relationship with them, it seems like they never really valued our friendship. It's even more evident seeing how one person can change how close we are. It seems like the one thing in life that is constant is change.

I've been through so much more than you'll ever know. Some self-inflicted, some not. Some of us live in a never never land right next to peter pan, cause no one wants to grow old.

Frustrated

I went over my music tonight and was a lil amazed at the things I wrote during my senior year in high school back in 08. I was pretty detailed. I wrote a song called "Without You" in Dec of 07 and "Alone" in September of 07, and those lyrics stand true today, 3 years later.

"It's like every time I get close to a person, things are never fine and nothing is working" - Without You Dec 07


I dont know why things happen to me and I wonder often but struggle for the answers sometimes. It gets frustrating to see no changes. They say things are placed in your life because you are strong enough to deal with them, but who am I proving it to? And what am I gaining that I didn't already possess? At times I feel like doing things the right way is misrepresented by tv, film, internet and advertisements because it's gotten me nowhere.

Life is viewed differently by everyone and we all hav different things we seek to fulfill throughout it. I feel like the things that tie me to this world are the things that I least need. I value the things that we can't touch or sense. It just seems as if no one values those either or I am not meeting the people that are. I'm stuck in all aspects of what's important to me and am finding it difficult to find my path forward. It's becoming increasingly hard to escape a world we live in.

I'm sick of fake love towards me as a person or my music. I'm tired of waking up alone. I'm tired of feeling like the underdog constantly. I'm tired of being looked down upon. I'm tired of being a 2nd or 3rd option to people. I'm so tired of not being appreciated as a person and the things that I am capable of. I have absolutely no idea what I am going to do the next few months except sit on unemployment and save money. I dont want to work paycheck to paycheck but I will until I can manage. I have absolutely no clue how I'm going to take my shot at music but I'm keeping faith that time will allow it happen. I hope I can find 1 or the other soon because I am feeling a lil frustrated with the way things in my life hav been going.

"They said I couldn't be who I wanted to be, but I turned out exactly how I wanted to be" - 2010 CHARTT


I hope you get to hear it sooner than later. Im listening to it right now and I love it. I hope something shakes. I'm nervous about the future.