From Here?

Where does it go? May that be what is so bittersweet about life? The world we live in is an ever changing one and nothing ever seems to remain constant. That could be why we value consistency so highly. At times it seems like the world is against you and at times it seems like you can't be stopped. How can you tell which one is real?

How do you make your mark on the world when starting from scratch? How many times would someone in their adult lifespan claim to be starting over finically, in their career, with a marriage or relationship or with friends? There more I think about it, the more I can see people relating to it greatly.

What do you do when you have no college education and no money. Where do you go from here? Do you work paycheck to paycheck to live in an apartment and pay car insurance where you save just enough a month to slightly enjoy yourself? Then maybe one day you've saved up over the years your credit is good enough you can get a house and a car and then you work way more to pay those 2 things off. Not to mention if you want to start a family or go back to school to get a better job. Also dental and doctor appointments, any sort of leisure vacation time, gas, clothes, food, etc. This is why I say its like life is backwards. Its like we want to be happy but as we get older we get jaded by life and what is happy is what money brings us. We get educated to go to school to get a good job so that we can afford some of this. Its replacing our happiness with money, like a placebo. We work so hard for a paycheck doing something we may not like and that paycheck is supposed to bring us happiness replacing what may truly bring it. As humans we all view happiness in a different light and what makes us happy variates.

Concentrating on yourself is hard enough but when trying to find someone to share yourself with is pushing the limits on what we can handle. Its almost one or the other. Few are lucky to do both.

I just want to be happy. I'm starting from scratch and trying to find my way has become increasingly difficult. Does that mean this is the way to go? Or does that mean try a different route? I have something I can't give up on. I will try 100% one time to make it work. Idk when but I will. Before that time and after that time I have no clue what is going to happen. I am nervous though.