With that said, don't you just feel numb for so long and then you should express how you feel somehow? It's like everything is moving so fast including your brain but you feel like life is on slow motion. I think my heart is numb, I don't think i've been able to feel anything lately. The last couple weeks I've been drinking 4 out of 7 days a week. I think I used to fight my emotions about everything that had hurt me in the past but I feel like I just accept them now. I don't try to change them. Just push on.
Sometimes you wish things had never changed, how life would be if they didn't? But they did. I was thinking about love the other day. Normally people date for a long time, and either break up or divorce usually because 1 person gets tired of the other. They no longer find them how they used to. Is love just 2 people who decide they will be there for each other? They depend on each other and each tips the scale every so. So is love more dependent and dedication than anything? Just a thought I had the other day. Either way it's definitely hard work and special to know someone other than your parents, whom you've depended on for your whole life, you can enjoy that type of dependency with another person. That could be what it boils down to. Reference the tradition of a father giving his daughter away - to depend on someone else.
Again, I find things so odd in how they happen. I drove by a ditch my car went off when I used to live here in 2006. I was just looking at it thinking about how I could of died. I fell 20 feet down off a hill with a river running underneath my car. It makes me feel like it wasn't my time and I wonder what my purpose is to fulfill before I can get checked off. Life is crazy.
I think i'm an asshole. I cut throat people I don't know, take what I can get, put myself 1st if I dont know you, I will take your girlfriend if she wants to give me the ball, I get girls #'s and then delete them the next day and I don't feel bad about any of it either. However, if I tell you I like you, I mean it and it takes alot for me to say that because it's rare. I don't play games, I just tell you how it is so you don't wonder what i'm thinking. I'm human too and I'll say how I really feel. I don't believe in karma, I just think people like to believe it exists as a justification for things they can't control because it gives you a belief of somewhat control.
Just want to re-iterate how strong the saying "You don't know what you have until it's gone" is. Want to shout out the girls who try to play games with me, my sociology teacher, and all the rude people in the world. I have alot in my mind right now that I don't know how to place into words at the moment, but I'm sure in the next couple days/week i'll be able to construct thoughts on them. Lastly, I have my tracklist for my mixtape available (click on my facebook link). I really like the order of the songs and hopefully i'll be done with it sooner than later. 2 more songs, than recording. My music is just my same feelings I put on here and if it doesn't work out, i'll stop but I am just going to release my material I have and thats that. 2 mixtapes and an album.
Until next time,
CHARTT
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