Never Never Land

It feels like somethings missing but I just dont know. It's like i'm not the same man that I was before.

I have so many thoughts going through my head sometimes it's hard for me to slow down and organize them the way they should be. I remember them all though. At what point do you become a man? How many of us know what we value in life? I was asked that the other day and I knew exactly the things I hold close to me. I am absolutely scared of leaving this earth before making an impact for my family, my future children, and people I will never meet. It scares to think about getting taken off this planet having accomplished nothing for anyone. For myself, I want to give so much but the world gives so little. No one cares about anyone else deep down. We don't find the positive in others and respect them for what they are, instead we criticize them for what they aren't. They label that weakness and the very person who exploited it, did it for personal benefit which is what lays inside us. What we also have inside of us is the ability to care for others unconditionally. Which one do you think is being activated? And whats triggering it? Have you thought about that?

I haven't found my exact path yet. It's frustrating because in the waiting stages it feels as though I have no purpose right now. Finding a balance between surviving in this world and chasing our dreams is difficult. I see everyone I know seeming successful at what they wanted to do. Granted it's all a similar path but they did it or are doing it. School, graduation, job and success. Or join the army, go to school, job and success. I just feel so far from my image of success and sometimes it can bring me down. I just am not content with where I'm at.

Have you ever heard that dejavu is proof that life is pre-determined? Well based on that theory, I haven't had dejavu in a while. Does that mean i'm not on the right path? It feels like i'm lost somewhere. All my friends are gone with girlfriends or wives and looking back on my relationship with them, it seems like they never really valued our friendship. It's even more evident seeing how one person can change how close we are. It seems like the one thing in life that is constant is change.

I've been through so much more than you'll ever know. Some self-inflicted, some not. Some of us live in a never never land right next to peter pan, cause no one wants to grow old.